If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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