How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
