Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
