According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
