Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
