The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
