I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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