peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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