every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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