Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
