on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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