I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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