Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
