Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
