I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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