there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
