I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
