I'm lost and stupid without you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
