First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
