my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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