4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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