You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
