I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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