Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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