So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
