True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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