I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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