Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
