I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
