I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
