I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
In America we eat man semen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
