today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
