He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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