if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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