I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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