ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar