He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
