A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.