Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...