The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.