Only a mothe r could love this liver
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you didnt know i had herpes?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating