I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
