What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
there is glitter all over my balls
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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