I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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