i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
