I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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