you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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