it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth