Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.