I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.