Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.