Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
