You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
