Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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