I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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