I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
