Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
