you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
