we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
