Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
