For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I believe in your delicious
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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