Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
