Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
