You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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