Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
