I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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