My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
