I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
