I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
