Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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