Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
