I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
