I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
