Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
