take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize