Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
