The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
