tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
