went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
