Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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