Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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