you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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