Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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