I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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